Featured Story
Extremely Friendly Man Moves Into Enclave
A genial, amiable fellow has moved into a house on Ocean Parkway, befriending his Syrian neighbors and demonstrating that Rabbigate is all but forgotten…. »
Brooklyn Shul Janitor Survives Summer
Out of the hectic tumult of the return to Brooklyn, a shocking story has emerged as Julio, the shul’s benign and gentle caretaker, went the entire summer locked in a coat room, with no one noticing…. »
Community Teen Fights “The Man”
Inspired by childhood heroes and community role models, one young community girl has been regaling friends and family with the exciting story of her recent run-in with the law. … »
Caught, for God’s Sake!
A heavy blow was dealt to the enclave yesterday, as some of the community’s most trusted, religious, and morally upright figures were found to be guilty of the most serious crime imaginable: getting caught. … »
Community Magazine Considered for Pulitzer
The Pulitzer Prize committee is set to reward one of our peers for outstanding journalism…. »
Herem Launches Fundraising Drive to Build Annex
Former community members currently residing in Herem have launched a major campaign to raise urgent funding for an annex building expansion to their community… »
Young Mogul Executes $250 mm Deal, Perfect Brickbreaker Game
A young dealmaker makes a name for himself among SY moguls by executing a condominium transaction and a new high… »
Shul Puts Value on Human Life
A novel fundraising technique is letting one local shul benefit from the current health care… »
Kippur: The Aftermath
What happens the morning after the holiest day of the Jewish year? The Enclave finds that most SYs are ready to resume life as usual, while still humming Selihot… »
Pride of China Flown In for Proposal
In a fortuitous and completely unexpected event, one community man proposed to his girlfriend before a crowd of friends and relatives, to a background of pomp and bombast not seen since the Beijing… »
Announcing Big Bruce’s Big Bike Bonanza!
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We are pleased to announce the Deal-Asbury Park area’s newest bike shop, Big Bruce’s Big Bike Bonanza. Bruce wants to be your source for the “hottest” things on two… »
Father, New Fiancé “So Close”, Says Girl
A recently engaged community girl has been bragging to her friends about how extraordinarily well her father gets along with her new fiancé. The two men share common interests, similar life experiences, and compatible personalities…. »
Rabbi’s Pensive Look Really Just From Holding in Fart
A local rabbi found himself presented with a new challenge from the pulpit this past Saturday, as hundreds of congregants flooded into synagogue for the perspective and clarity of his weekly Shabbat sermon. How would he face Rabbi-gate? But the rabbi seemed particularly pensive and quiet. Anticipating the moving lessons to be learned, congregants noticed… »
Rabbi-gate Spurs Fears for The Enclave’s Survival
After the events of July 23, it was clear to community members everywhere that some things had changed forever. No longer could they frequent area bars, car dealerships, or the Witness Protection Program without knowing snickers and sneers. Amid the confusion, some are even suggesting that satire and absurd fake news are no longer relevant… »
Top Gun Announces New F1 Racing Event
Racing fans and charity buffs are cheering at the news that SBH will be adding a new sport to the Top Gun tournament, Formula One… »
Brooklynites Colonize Village, Infect Natives
A new wave of colonists hailing from the Flat Bush has begun to invade the undeveloped village of Deal, leaving its native inhabitants displaced and confused. Reports say the invaders carry an air of superiority, treating the natives as savages and laughing at their simple vestments and primitive… »
Shamayim – There’s an App for That
A new iPhone App promises to tell users exactly where they stand in the eyes of God, in what is being called a “landmark event” in the convergence of handheld devices and… »
Is “Charter Shul” the Answer?
The community ponders solutions to the high cost of attending… »
All-Star Rabbi Found To Be Using Steroids
A somber mood hangs over the enclave, as 104 Rabbis and cantors are implicated in using performance-enhancing… »
Spreadsheet Tracking “Present-Day Amalek” Crashes
A software glitch brings up suspicion of a vast anti-semetic plot just before Shabbat… »
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